I. Change happens most effectively when built upon a foundation of solid, trusting relationships.
A. Partly that means getting to know each other outside of conflict or disagreement--understanding where we’ve come from and what we struggle with.
II. It’s useful to talk about our experiences in school because it helps us to become more aware of our attitudes and assumptions in present time.
A. We are shaped by what we learned and experienced while in school.
B. Along the way, we get to know other people and care more widely…
C. Which is another necessary foundation on which to effect change.
III. Our goals for educational
change require being able to listen to each other. To do that, we
need established guidelines for group discussions.
A.
Guidelines may feel rigid or constraining at first, but they work.
1. Given the inequity in society, you can't leave something as important as communication unstructured.
2. We've been systematically trained not to listen to each other or treat each other with respect.
3. Imposing these guidelines creates a listening atmosphere and interrupts many of the things that happen in other contexts that make listening impossible.
B.
Some of us have been conditioned to trust our thinking and assume we have
something to say; others the opposite.
GUIDELINES FOR SMALL GROUP DISCUSSIONS
1. EACH PERSON IS GIVEN EQUAL TIME TO TALK
A. Everyone deserves attention (no matter how you feel or what you’ve been told).
B. Interrupts the effects of oppression, in terms of who feels comfortable speaking in groups, who easily thinks they have something worth saying and who doesn’t, etc.
C. Everyone gets to be heard, even if what you have to say repeats what’s been said. You get to say it in your words, out of your experience.
2. THE LISTENERS DO NOT RESPOND, DISAGREE OR AGREE, INTERRUPT, ANALYZE, GIVE ADVICE, OR BREAK IN WITH A PERSONAL STORY
A. People need to share their thoughts, listened to with respect but without comment by others
3. CONFIDENTIALITY IS MAINTAINED (CAN BE TRICKY; REQUIRES INTEGRITY)
A. Don’t talk about it with others or with the talker
B. Without this assurance, it’s hard to be honest and open
C. The feelings or ideas talked about aren’t necessarily representative of our thinking...or even of our feelings five minutes later
4. THE TALKER HAS TO SPEAK FROM THEIR OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND NOT MAKE GENERALIZATIONS, ACCUSATIONS, OR USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CRITICIZE OTHER GROUP MEMBERS
A. The focus is for everyone to get a chance to tell their story
B.
Problems and disputes need to be resolved in other contexts, using different
tools (including real dialogue)
© Randi B. Wolfe, Ph.D.
January, 2001